i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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