Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
