If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
