everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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