i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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