i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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