I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
