I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
