I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
