Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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