So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
