Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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