i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
