When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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