The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
