tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
