I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
