so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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