if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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