i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
