It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize