Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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