what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
