We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
