I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
