Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
