I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
