96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
