I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
