No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
