tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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