Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
