I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
