I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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