Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize