Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
