you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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