ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
