I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
