i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
there is glitter all over my balls
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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