She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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