I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize