do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
