You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
