every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
