you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
