When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
