billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
