I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
