im six kinds of drunk right now
you traded sex for a burrito?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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