Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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