Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
