sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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