god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
