I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
