i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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