I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
