Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
