That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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