I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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