i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Floor bacon is actually really good
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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