I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize