Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
