Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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