Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
