he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
