Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
