Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
