I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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