i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
