You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
