Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize