Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
