how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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